How to Talk About Estate Planning With Your Family Over the Holidays
The holidays are a time to connect with family, celebrate traditions, and reflect on the future. They’re also the perfect opportunity to start a conversation about estate planning—a topic that’s not always easy to bring up but is one of the most loving gifts you can give your family. Here’s how to approach it with care.
Why Estate Planning Matters
Estate planning is about protecting your family and your legacy. Without a plan, the courts decide how assets are divided, which can lead to unnecessary stress, delays, and even family conflict.
For Black families in particular, estate planning is critical. After the Civil War, Black Americans collectively owned 18 million acres of land. Today, that number has dropped to just 3 million, partly because of a lack of estate planning.
And this isn’t just about land—over the next 20 years, $80 trillion is expected to transfer from one generation to the next. Without proper planning, much of that wealth could be lost instead of preserved for future generations.
Let’s break that cycle
Tips for Starting the Conversation
Timing is key. Bring up estate planning when everyone is relaxed—after dinner, during dessert, or while gathered for a family activity. Here’s what you can say to get started:
“I’ve been thinking about how we can protect everything we’ve worked so hard for as a family.”
“Seeing families fight after a loved one dies made me realize how important it is to have a plan.”
Addressing Common Objections
Objection 1: “I’m too young for this.”
The best time to plan is when you don’t need it. Once someone loses capacity—due to dementia, a stroke, or another illness—it’s too late to create a plan. If someone creates a plan without capacity, it can be contested in court, leaving family members in a legal battle.
Objection 2: “Talking about this feels morbid.”
Estate planning has traditionally been associated with deathbeds, which can make it feel like inviting death. But planning doesn’t bring death closer, and avoiding it won’t keep it away. Instead, estate planning is an act of love—it makes things easier for your family when the time comes.
Objection 3: “It’s too expensive.”
A trust plan might cost $4,000–$10,000, but probate without a plan can start at $10,000 or more—and take years to resolve. Many attorneys offer payment plans to make the cost more manageable.
Objection 4: “I don’t want people knowing my business.”
Estate planning is private and entirely within your control. Meetings with an attorney are confidential, and trusts help keep your affairs out of public probate court. While no one else needs to know the details, it’s important to make sure your executor or trustee knows where to find the documents and how to contact your attorney.
Objection 5: “You’re just after my money.”
Reassure your loved ones that your intentions are about love and protection, not money. Estate planning ensures their wishes are carried out and protects their assets from mismanagement or family conflict. Without a plan, the courts decide what happens, and that process can be messy and expensive.
Objection 6: “I can create these documents on my own.”
DIY estate plans often miss key details, leading to costly mistakes later. The money saved by not hiring an attorney will likely need to be spent later to fix errors or navigate probate. Think of it like repairing a car—you can try to fix it yourself, but without the right expertise, it could cost you more in the long run.
What to Do If Someone Isn’t Ready
If a family member isn’t ready to plan, don’t push. Instead, focus on what you can control:
Create or update your own plan. Lead by example and share how much peace of mind it brings you.
Organize important documents. This includes birth certificates, passports, and death certificates. Store them in a fireproof, waterproof safe.
Offer to help. If finances are a barrier, consider contributing to the cost of their plan.
Talk to an experienced probate attorney. If there is no plan—or no clear plan—an attorney can help you understand how to protect yourself, navigate probate, and prepare for potential conflicts.
Key Documents to Include in an Estate Plan
Key Documents to Include in an Estate Plan
-Here are the key documents every family should consider:
Will: Outlines asset distribution and goes through probate.
Trust: Avoids probate, protects assets, and ensures your wishes are followed.
Power of Attorney: Appoints someone to manage finances if you’re incapacitated or unable.
Healthcare Directive: Specifies medical preferences and grants decision-making authority about your healthcare.
Living Will: Explains what type of medical care you want if you’re unable to communicate.
Certified Documents: Include birth certificates, social security cards, passports, and death certificates. Originals are often required for legal processes, so store them in a fireproof and waterproof safe.
Make This the Year You Protect Your Legacy
This holiday season, give your family the gift of peace of mind. If you live in NC, DC, or MD, Trusted Legal Warrior is offering a 15% holiday discount on Trust Packages, limited to the first 25 people who sign up and pay their deposit. Don’t wait—secure your legacy today. Click here to sign up